1
I fail to understand the “good” part of**“good morning”.**
我就不明白了，**“早上好”**到底好在哪里。
2
If robbers even broke into my house and searched for money, I’d just laugh and search with them.
要是有劫匪闯入我的屋子里找钱，我只会大笑着和他们一起找。
3
Every once in a while I check up on people I hate tomake sure I still hate them.
每隔一段时间，我就会核对一遍我讨厌的人，确保我仍然恨着他们。
4
I’m waiting for the day that scientists discover a cure forNatural Causes.
我等待着科学家成功治愈**“顺其自然综合征”**的那一天。
5
Old people at weddings always poke me and say**“you’re next.”**So, I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
老人们喜欢在婚礼上戳戳我，并对我说：“下一个就是你啦。”所以，我开始在葬礼上以牙还牙。
6
If I knew I wasn’t going to fall asleep in the last 2 hours, I could have been using the Internet!
早知道花了两个小时都没睡着，我本可以好好上上网的。
7
Person is tying…
Person is tying…
Person is tying…
Person is tying…
Person is tying…
Person says:hi
对方正在输入……
对方正在输入……
对方正在输入……
对方正在输入……
对方正在输入……
对方说：嗨。
8
Top 4 wishes:
-
To earn money without working.
-
To be smart without studying.
-
To love without being hurt.
-
To eat without getting fat.
四个最想实现的愿望：
1. 不劳而获
2. 不学有术
3. 相爱无伤
4. 狂吃不胖
9
We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up …after I finish laughing.
我们是最好的朋友。永远记住，我会在你摔倒的时候将你扶起……当然，是在我笑够之后。
10
Don’t feel bad about doing nothing. Pandas don’t do anything and look how great they are!
别为无所事事而懊恼。熊猫什么也不做，可他们好着呢！
11
Probably the worst thing about being a penguin is after you’re in an argument you’ll try to waddle away angrily but still lookadorably cute.
身为企鹅最可悲的一点也许是，一场激烈的争吵后，你迈着坚毅的步伐愤然离开，而在别人眼中却是一个摇摇摆摆卖萌的小可爱。
12
Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live longer.
过生日有益健康。研究表明，生日过得越多人活得越久。
13
The difference between "Girlfriend" and "Girl friend" is that little space in between we call the**"Friend Zone"**.
“女朋友”和“女性朋友”之间的区别，就是中间那一个字，我们称之为**“友情空间”**。
14
What if I got a boyfriend? I wouldn’t know what to do…what do they eat? How often do they have to be walked?
如果有了男朋友会怎样？我将无所适从……该喂他们吃什么？多久溜一次？
15
-what did the ocean say to the other ocean?
-See you later?
-Nothing. It just waved.
——海洋之间会聊些什么？
——说待会儿会接着嗨（海）？
——它们什么都不说，只是浪笑。
16
What did one elevator say to the other?
I thinkI’m coming down with something!
一部电梯会对另一部说什么？
我想是：“我带点儿什么东西就下来啊！”
17
Wouldn’t it be niceif the world was flat?
That way we could just push off the people we don’t like.
如果世界是平的，不是很好吗？
那样我们就可以把不喜欢的人推下去了。
18
Strength is the ability to break chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands and eat just one of those pieces.
真的勇士，敢于徒手将巧克力掰成四瓣，却只吃其中一块。
19
True self-controlis waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn.
真正的自控是等到电影开始才吃爆米花。
20
KISS
Best way to shut a girl up.
接吻：让女孩闭嘴的最佳方法。
21
You’re not fat. You’re just…easier to see.
你并不胖，你只是……比较容易被认出来。
22
-Are you crying?
-No, I’m having an allergic reaction.
-To what?
-To life.
——你在哭吗？
——没有，我只是过敏了。
——对什么过敏？
——人生。
23
THE BEST FEELINGS IN THE WORLD
-Hot showers
-The first bite of a meal when you’re really
-Tight hugs
-Crawing into, the bed after a long day.
-Forehead kisses
-Waking up in the morning and actually
feeling like you had enough sleep
世界上最好的感觉：
-冲热水澡
-饥饿的时候吃到第一口饭
-紧紧的拥抱
-在累了一天之后爬上床
-额头上的亲吻
-早上醒来感到自己得到了充足的睡眠
——本文摘自《我只是对人生过敏》
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